Gaius in Candy Land!
by NinjaPiplup
Summary: Crackfic. When Henry plays a board game with Gaius, they are sent to its sugary world and must defeat the evil group known as ISIS-Qaeda and their fascist leader, Robo-Hitler!
1. Chapter 1

It was a fine day. The birds were singing, the temperature was perfect. However, as beautiful as a day it is, it cannot fix something as terrible as Gaius's boredom. Robin, Lucina, and Chrom had left a month ago to attend something called "Smash", and everyone else was too busy to keep him company. Except for one.

"Hi, Gaius!" it was Henry. "I was just at the store, and I found this awesome board game!" Henry presented the box to Gaius. "Candy Land." Gaius read. "Would you like to play it with me?" Henry asked. The box was filled with colors, with happy characters on the front. It was defiantly a kid's game, but it wasn't like he had anything better to do…

"Alright. I'll play," Gaius said. "Yay!" Henry cheered. He opened the box, and got everything set up. Gaius was the red piece, and Henry was the blue one. "Do you want to go first?" Gaius asked. "Okay!" Henry replied. He picked up a card. "Double Yellow," he announced, moving his piece quite a distance. Gaius took his turn. "Purple," he said, as he moved his piece. The game continued. Gaius and Henry were neck and neck throughout the game. Soon, they were on the last stretch of the board. It was Gaius's turn. He picked up a card. However, this card was very strange. Instead of having the color in which to go to, it had text. "You are our savior." Gaius read aloud from the card. Henry giggled. "Funny joke! What does it actually say?" he asked. "I'm serious! It says 'You are our savior'!" Gaius exclaimed as he showed Henry the card.

For the first time in his life, Henry felt disturbed. He picked up the next card. "Save us." He read. By now the two were hugging each other in fear, just as any cartoon character would do. Gaius picked up the whole deck. "Hey! You're cheating!" Henry scolded. Gaius just ignored him.

"We're under attack."

"We need help."

"Liberate us, savior."

Gaius had never felt so much fear. Was the game Henry bought just some creepy Chinese bootleg? Suddenly, all of the spaces began to light up. Henry screamed. Then, there was a flash just like in every generic self-insert fic and the two were gone.

Gaius awoke to a squeal. He felt something violently shaking him. "OHMERGAWSH, GAIUS! EVERYTHING IS MADE OUT OF CANDY!" It was none other than Henry. Gaius was opened his eyes, and wouldn't you know it. The whole world was made out of candy! There were lollipop trees! There were gumdrop bushes! The water was even Kool-Aid! I get diabetes just thinking about it! Then, Gaius and Henry just lost it. They went ballistic, eating everything they could find. Quicker than you could say, well, anything really, the two had devoured several bushes, a few trees, and even a giant rock candy, well, rock. The two were so sugar high, it was impossible to be still for a millisecond. "Freeze, ruffians!" came a voice. The two turned around. It was a gingerbread man. A walking, talking, gingerbread. Gaius's and Henry's mouths began to water uncontrollably. "You are eating Candy Land's natural resources! We can't afford to lose any more with the war going on!" the gingerbread man scolded. It quickly came to Henry's realization. "Gaius! We're in my board game!" he gleefully cheered. "Can we eat you?" Gaius asked the gingerbread man. "Absolutely not!" the edible man said as he raised his peppermint spear. "Hey, Fred!" came another voice. It was another gingerbread man. He looked at Gaius and Henry. Then, he screamed. "It's the inedible ones! They are the ones prophesized to save Candy Land from the invaders?" "Prophesized since when, George?" Fred asked. "Since last Monday," George replied. "Um, who exactly are your invaders?" Gaius asked. Fred sighed. "I'm afraid we're under attack from a group called ISIS-Qaeda and their evil fascist leader, Robo-Hitler!"

**So yeah. This is the first chapter of this crackfic I'm writing. If you like it, leave a comment and tell me what you think, and perhaps constructive criticism to help improve anything needed! :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge thanks to Otter4242, Gunlord 500, and The Conquers for leaving reviews! You guys are awesome! Anyways, on with the show!**

"Robo-Hitler? ISIS-Qaeda?" Gaius said skeptically. "Who in Naga's name is that?" "Well, ISIS-Qaeda is an evil organization from another dimension," Fred answered. "They used to be two separate groups, but they teamed up to cause maximum terror in their world. When they fused, they created Robo-Hitler to be their leader." "Created?" Henry said, in shock. "Do they have magic powers or something?" Fred shook his flat head. "Robo-Hitler is a robot, crafted from metal and electricity, in case you didn't know." Gaius and Henry showed great interest in the concept of robots, as they had no such thing back home. Fred continued the story of the enemy. "They also created robots of three more famous terror figures from their world, and they became ISIS-Qaeda's administrators. Shortly afterward, ISIS-Qaeda discovered a substance which can be used for cross-dimensional travel. They created a machine that could harness the power of the substance. Fortunately, they only have enough substance for one trip: one to and one back. That's why we must drive them out. Once they're out, they can't return." "And you have to save us, prophesized ones!" George randomly added. "Do we really need to help these guys? What's the point?" Henry whispered into Gaius' ear. Gaius pondered on that thought. Suddenly, an idea came. He grinned an evil grin. "If we help them and get rid of ISIS-Qaeda, we can eat all of Candy Land, and the residents will allow it because we're their heroes!" Gaius whispered back. Henry grinned evilly as well. "Of course we'll save your kingdom!" Henry told Fred and George. "Yay!" George cheered. Let us head to the capitol where the Candy Castle is. The king will certainly be pleased to learn that the prophesized inedible ones are here to save us!" Fred simply rolled his icing eyes.

The road to the capitol was a long and tedious one. George remained as stupidly optimistic as ever, Fred carried on with his grumpy attitude, as he watched Gaius and Henry eating whatever they came across. The trek took an hour or so, but alas, they were there: the capitol. There were several expensive-looking hotels, apartments, and penthouses all crafted from graham crackers, candy canes, and frosting. At the center was a giant castle crafted of similar materials. "THE PROPHISED ONES ARE HERE! THEY WILL SAVE US FROM ISIS-QAEDA!" George yelled at the top of his lungs. Some residents opened their windows, looking bewildered. "What prophecy?" "What is he talking about?" "Oh, it's just an escapee from the looney bin." "What has this guy been smoking?" were among the capitol resident's reactions. Fred and George (Mostly George) led the two to the castle. "Halt!" a knight of the royal guard ordered to the party. "We have brought the saviors of the prophecy who will stop ISIS-Qaeda. The knight stared down at George menacingly. That is, if you find a talking mint menacing. The knight laughed. "What prophecy?" he asked. "The one issued by the royal star-reader just recently!" George answered. "Oh yeah! That one!" the knight replied. "It sounded baloney to me at first, so I didn't believe it, and neither did most of the citizens. But now I'm looking at two individuals who clearly aren't composed of sweets of any sort! Come with me! We must see the king!" The knight opened the doors to the castle. Other knights were inside the main foyer. At the sight of Gaius and Henry, they bowed down, and promptly followed the door guard knight. The royal guard then led the two humans to the throne room. One knight knocked on the door. "We need to see you, King Kandy!" soon after, two throne room guards opened the great door and allowed the royal guard and the two guests of honor to enter. They marched up to King Kandy, was sitting in throne made of all sorts of things that would make dentists everywhere gawk.

"Welcome!" he greeted cheerfully. "Say, who are these newcomers?" A captain stepped forward. "Your majesty, these are the prophesized ones who will drive ISIS-Qaeda out of Candy Land!" The king beamed up. "What joy! What are your names, my dear sons?" "Erm, I'm Gaius and this is my, um, friend Henry." Gaius hesitantly replied. "Well then! Call all the citizens of the capitol! We must present our saviors!" the king announced. He got off his throne as guards exited the castle to gather the citizens. "Follow me, boys!" King Kandy beckoned Gaius and Henry. The two followed the jolly king outside and onto a podium positioned near the castle grounds. The citizens of the capitol all gathered around to hear the king's message. "Ladies and gingermen, I am standing here with the delightful pleasure to present our newfound saviors of the prophecy, Gaius and Henry!" the audience said nothing, with blank looks on their faces. "What prophecy?" "Is that what that that crazy gingerbread was referring to earlier?" "Is it just me or have I heard this before?" Noticing their reactions, King Kandy hushed the crowd. "Remember the prophecy the royal star-reader issued?" Somehow, it all came to the sugar peoples' heads. "Oh yeah! That one!" "I remember now!" Apparently people made of candy are extremely forgetful and stupid. They then started cheering. "All hail Gaius!" "All hail Henry!" it was all very festive, until…

BOOM! 

A huge explosion was heard. It was then filled with more booms. Giant bird-machines filled the sky. "ISIS-Qaeda is doing an air-raid! Everyone to the bomb shelters!" the guards announced. Citizens scrambled in fear as they searched desperately for the nearest bomb shelter. "Saviors!" a captain of the royal guard approached the two otherworldains. "Get out of the city as fast as you can. I suggest finding the admins and taking them out before we attempt to destroy Robo-Hitler. Why not you go after Robo-Stalin? His base is closest to the capitol." Gaius and Henry nodded as they head out to find the nefarious Robo-Stalin.

**Alas! I'm finally done with the second chapter! Sorry about all this boring exposition. Things should start to get more exciting next chapter.**

**Have compliments, concerns, or questions? Leave a review and let me know! :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been forever. I feel lazy. Sorry to everyone.**

"So all we have to do is find this Stalin-robo guy and it'll all be good," Gaius spoke as he and Henry began to walk briskly away from the city under attack. The soldier had given Henry a paper before they had left. "According to this map, Stalin's fortress is at the center of the Chocolate Forest." Gaius sighed. The forest would be filled with mosquitoes trying to eat his lollipops. _"But what if the mosquitoes are made of candy as well?" _He wondered. His face then lit up with an evil smile. Hours passed. Our heroes continued following the map as they discussed the delicious things that would be in their tummies after their quest was complete.

"We're here!" Henry cheerfully announced. The fortress was in a kind of pyramid shape with plants scaling its sides. It glowed with a golden brilliance of a rich man's treasure room. Large red banners draped the sides, which read, "Hail Communism! Hail ISIS-Qaeda!" with a strange logo on them. Patrolling the temple-like fortress were metal machines which the people of Candy Land had referred to as 'robots'. They swarmed the fortress in great numbers, making it difficult to see a clear entrance. Gaius scanned the scene. He noticed a dip in the pyramid, which two robots were guarding. Surely it was an entrance. He pointed it out to Henry. "But how can we get in without getting killed?" He asked. Good question. There seemed to be no visible options for stealth tactics so… "Grab your weapons. We're going in." Gaius pulled out his silver sword, which shone in the sunlight. Henry reluctantly pulled out a Thoron tome. "Wait for my signal." Gaius whispered. He waited for the perfect opportunity where there was a clear path to run. That moment finally came. "NOW!" Henry yelled as they rushed straight for the fortress.

The robots took notice of our heroes. "INTRUDER. SCANNNING. IDENTIFIED. TWO HUMANS. BOTH, MALE. TERMINATION SEQUENCE AQUIRED." They all beeped, chasing after the invaders. Gaius and Henry slowed down, realizing that they would have to fight. Gaius attempted to slash the robots, with little success. Henry blasted it with Thoron, with much better results. He giggled evilly as he pulled out a Rexcalubur tome and blew several robots into oblivion. Gaius noticed this. The two had a plan. With his speed, Gaius would distract the robots, then Henry would destroy them. The plan worked, leaving it safe to enter. The two bolted for the entrance. They were safe.

**That chapter was a little short, but next time, we fight Robo-Stallin! Dun-dun-dun!**


End file.
